lessons on pride.

robin, here.

i thought i'd share some of my thoughts in lieu of casey's announcement about our sticking around for a bit more.

in case anyone cared or wondered.

pride is a dangerous thing.

casey and i believe we nearly stepped out of God's will and into a 

potentially hazardousness situation by moving before our house is sold.

the thing that's made this choice so hard {outside} of being prideful,

is our genuine and urgent desire to {go} to manhattan and serve.

we've been considering and praying and seeking counsel on this decision to go for nearly {2 years}now.

needless to say, we are {anxious} to move forward.

so because of this strong desire, we went ahead and set our move date.

a couple of move dates, actually.

we've had {incredible} good bye parties.

multiple tearful goodbye's over the last few weeks.

so when casey came to me yesterday and told me, we're not going yet like we planned, my stomach turned.

and if i'm being totally honest, it's wasn't out of disappointment.

it was out of {pride}.

i started to think, but if we don't go, we'll look foolish.

we'll look flakey.

we'll look uncommitted.

we'll look like we don't have faith in God to provide for us enough income to support a mortgage payment and potential rent payment.

i know, right?  {gross}.

but in His faithfulness, amidst, and even during these thoughts God began to soften my heart with truth.

i felt Him communicating to me, 

"robin.  daughter.  it's My Will, not yours.  it is in your weakness that makes Me stronger. your humility will count for My Glory. let go of this foolish pride.  daughter, let go."  

in this whole 2 year process, my prayer has been that God would be Glorified.

that i would grow, be shaped, and refined.

i wanted this move to ks to reflect my desire to Glorify God.

and i got caught up in glorifying myself.  

look at me.  look at me.  look at me.

i'm sacrificing for Christ.

i'm having big faith to go when our house hasn't sold.

again, let me just say,  BLEH.

deep down, all of those desires {are} things i want for God.

but i got a little wrapped up in them for me as well.

does that make sense?

and that is the last think i want.

i want God's blessing.

so indeed, this was a choice that might make me look or feel foolish.

but i've been brought to my knees in humility.

this is for God's glory.

not mine.

and we'll go when He say's it's time.

The arrogance of man

This project has been under way now for nearly 2 years, and in that time there has been an air of pride in our hearts concerning the decision move to Manhattan for the glory of God.  That somehow this was "our" decision and "our" mission as a family.  And in all this time we forgotten to LISTEN for God and his wisdom in our desire and planning.  Recently, however, He has been shouting at us, and finally gotten our attention.  Through the counsel of a few loving brothers, he has reminded us that his timing and his will is greater than our own.  I mean lets face it, do we really make any decisions outside of his sovereignty?  As time goes on, I am learning that God is truly immovable and it is us who must yield to His will no matter the outcome; and that is the scariest thing about trusting in Him.
Our house has not sold yet, and we really cannot move without that happening.  Our desire to serve Christ in Kansas has not been removed from our hearts but we dont want to make a move without the Lords blessing in every detail.  We pray that an offer comes soon, but we are patient in our hope and ask our brothers and sisters in Christ to pray for the same, but most of all that we would remain in Him and that our hearts would be at peace  in humility.
Moses had a conversation with God in Exodus 33:12-23 about this very thing.  Moses didn't want to make a move without the Lord going with him.  He understood that there could be no success without His blessing and that there would be no glory for God if His hand was not over every detail in their exodus and journey to the promise land.  We are the same, we won't move without God being along with us.
Thank you for all of your prayers and we will continue to keep you all posted on our progress.

{packing essentials}

i, robin, have started packing up different parts of our home.

delaney has decided she wanted to start packing too.

she came up to me and said,

"mom, i've got all i need for kansas."

"oh yeah?" i said.

"yep!  i got all my shoes."

essentials.

she is indeed my daughter.

delaney, with all her shoes packed.

going and leaving

going.

leaving.

did you know that these two seemingly similar words, could actually be very very different?

well, i robin, have learned how different they can be.

in preparing to leave everything that is familiar and safe to me,

and venturing to a place unfamiliar ....

i've had to really evaluate my heart and try and work through these warring feelings.

i feel good and excited about {going}.

yet i feel incredibly sad and grievous about {leaving}.

i had pictured my kids running down the street during the summers to go play over at aunt sam's house.

i had pictured my kids growing up with all of their little friends who were born around the same time as them.

i had pictured bringing all of our children home from the hospital to our current house.

i had pictured a lot of different scenarios that will never play out now.

but now, i'm picturing something different.

new playmates for my kids.

a new house to *maybe* bring more babies home to.

i'm picturing our children having memories of their dad and mom making the choice to serve the Kingdom in a way that isn't necessarily easy or comfortable.

i'm picturing our kids recognizing that we mean it when we say the most important thing to us is glorifying  God and that we will serve Him wherever He calls us to.

i'm grieving leaving behind the {incredible} relationships that i have here in ft. collins.

i think i am so blessed to have the kind of mommy support system placed around me that i do.

i am so blessed to have {nearly} all of my family live within just 2 hours of me.

it's going to be {hard} to have to step out of my comfort zone and make new friends.

it's going to be {painful} not getting to just jump in the car and visit my mom for the day when i've been missing her.

it's gonna be a challenge driving back and forth for holidays to see everyone in colorado.

but i have a hope for my future.

i know that my home is where casey, delaney, amelia, and remington are.

not at 6405 constellation dr.

not at some unknown  address in manhattan kansas.

i feel confident in going.

i know casey has made a wise decision for our family.

i'm clinging to these verses:

Psalm 126:5-6 esv

Those who sow in tears

shall reap with shouts of joy!

He who goes out weeping,

bearing the seed for sowing,

shall come home with shouts of joy,

bringing his sheaves with him.

so for those of you that i'm leaving behind, i'm grieving your loss.

i love you.

i value you.

for those of you that i'm going to, i'm excited to join you.

i'm looking forward to loving you.

would you pray for me {for us, really} in this bittersweet time?

i'm trying to find balance between being excited and feeling good about {going}

and yet grieving and feeling sadness about {leaving}.

The Hardest Job in America

The land of the free and the home of the brave, right?  The good ol' U.S. of A..  Maybe the greatest nation ever to exist in human history.  But, why is that?  What makes America so great?  Most people agree that it is our right to freedom which has created this great society and changed the world.  The ability to think freely has made it possible to conjure up some of the most incredible inventions.  Our freedom to worship as we please has laid the foundation for our basic moral code.  And whether you agree or not, this foundation of freedom comes from the free will given to us by God.  So, why are we falling apart at the seams?  Where did we go wrong?  The answer, we were destined to fail.  And not just the U.S., but humanity as a whole.  The reason why is that human beings are innately evil and destructive; left to our own devices would most definitely put our own survival and pleasure before anyone else or the earth for that matter.
The real tragedy of our evil nature is that we don't often recognize it.  If something goes wrong on earth or in our personal lives, it is almost automatic to find blame somewhere else before we take responsibility, if we are willing to take responsibility at all.  All of the issues of life come crashing down on us, and we don't make the connections between our actions or attitude and the consequence.  There are some things in life that occur well beyond our control and must be acknowledged, but even those occur due to the power of sin committed  by mankind as a whole.  "Why do bad things happen to good people?" the world asks.  I ask, who is good?  Why does anything good happen to anyone?  We are self serving, filth ridden created beings; always challenging and mocking and doubting the creator.  Mark Darling once said we are like cockroaches.  So when bad things happen, we usually play the victim or fight back against the current; but we are always on a one way course to death.  Man will die.  Life on earth is a slow, self inflicted death.  The question is, do you know you are dying?  And when you die, then what?  Most people don't want to die unless they are suffering, and in America most people aren't suffering in comparison to the rest of the world.  So, when an American is approached with the Gospel, and told that it will save them from death; usually the comfy, wealthy American says to them self: "I've got my job, and my house, a smart phone and an HDTV, I really don't feel like i'm dying."  We Americans are the rich young rulers.  Our wealth and our comfort is our fortified city.  And we look Jesus in the face and tell him that even though we could be dead tomorrow; right now, for the most part, i'm doing okay without you, Lord.
Whats it gonna take for Americans or man in general to know that they are dying?  How scary or miserable does life have to get?  What is there to loose in a life of knowing Jesus?  These are the questions that most evangelical pastors in America ask themselves everyday.  Its the same with every Christ loving believer that goes to the office, or campus, or social situation with the goal of sharing the good news of salvation to his neighbor.  How do you convince someone of their eventual eternal death and torment?
Here is a video of a man who knows he is going to die.  Three things to notice: How grateful is he to be rescued?  How happy are his rescuers? If you don't know Jesus, how are you any different?
"It would be like you becoming a cockroach and sacrificing yourself to save the cockroaches because you love them so much.  Thats what God did for you."- Mark Darling

Where it all began

My wife and I were married in 2003 here in Ft. Collins, CO. In the first five years we had the blessing of experiencing the typical "American Dream" scenario. We purchased our house in 2005 with a couple of dogs as our only children, with the intention that this would be the home we would raise our kids in over the next 20+ year period. I had the 8-5 job as a body mechanic in a well established car dealership, and Robin worked a few good jobs before we had our first daughter Delaney in 2006. We had our second blessing, Amelia in 2008 and were enjoying life as a young family with a deep love for Christ and surrounded by a fantastic family of believers at Summitview Community Church.

The Rock (college ministry) side of Summitview is where my wife and I actually met and dated. We eventually were forced to live in reality, embrace our young marriage and move over into the grown up Summitview side of our Church. Together we have spent 11 years with this Church, watching them send out a great number of families and individuals to plant churches in all different parts of the world. We never really gave any thought to being a part of the Church planting crowd as we were comfortable in our life here on the front range. And personally, I was very content with my life and my work. I had made a decision early in my life to never move my family anywhere for a job or money or lack thereof. However, it seems that God likes to challenge our hearts when we are on autopilot. In March, of 2009, Robin and I attended a marriage conference in Estes Park, CO with a bunch of our friends in our church as well as couples from other churches associated with our organization. And you must understand, I don't care much for conferences, but a friend of ours convinced me to go out of consideration for my wife(she LOVES conferences). Now, this friend and her husband are pivotal in this story so to keep their identity a secret, we will call them Jeremy and Kayt Pourbaix. At the conference we discovered that another Church had been planted in Manhattan, KS at the beginning of that year. While we were in Estes park, Robin and Kayt began to cahootle as myself and Jeremy were out and about for the afternoon only to come back to them both giving us a sales pitch on why we should consider moving to Kansas and assist in the church plant. At first, I didn't think this would be a serious possiblity for our family, but non the less, I needed to consider it. Initially, both Robin and I were going to visit Manhattan with the Pourbaixs, but about a month before we were to visit they decided to back out. Now alone in the Manhattan venture and in the midst of starting a new business, I was all but sure even visiting Manhattan was out of the question. But after some serious discussions with my bride, and some prayer, I cleared my schedule for some time for us to drive out and visit.

Robin and I were immediately welcomed with open arms and hearts by these perfect strangers at Vintage Faith. They started as a small group of believers from Iowa and Colorado, and now meet in a small old church building in the center of town. Comprised of mostly college students and empty nester's, God has grown them steadily in the last year and a half. There is a core of believers there that are sold out for Christ and have a passionate desire to serve him in loving that community and the students at Kansas State University. They expressed to us that there was a missing dynamic of young married couples and young families and could use some more warm bodies to reach that demographic and that our help would be greatly appreciated. But they were also adamant that we be confident in our purpose and our placement. We came away from that weekend with a sense of purpose for our family that we had never experienced before.

We prayed for a couple of months and went back to see if the romance of the idea had worn off. It didn't. As time passed and we received counsel and prayed over the decision, it was apparent that moving to Manhattan was the most God honoring thing we could do as a family. God had moved our hearts to move our stuff in the interest of spreading the Gospel.

In August our third child, Remington David, was born. The dust has finally settled from our sons birth and we are ramping up to head out of town. Our excitement and desire to go is building by the day; and at the same time our hearts are filled with sorrow at the idea of moving away from our family and friends. It is one of the most bittersweet times of our life.

I'm not sure we can say that what we are experiencing is a "calling" or even say that it is "God's will for our lives". My wife and I believe that this is an opportunity to fill a void in a church that is desperate to love, serve and spread the gospel to the city of Manhattan, KS. We believe that God's will is to serve him effectively wherever or whenever that may be. And to have our children see that we love Jesus enough to relocate and be uncomfortable(as uncomfortable as living in the U.S. can be) is something that will have a great impact on their lives.

My wife and I are nothing special. We are not pastors, we have never been to seminary or hold any significant positions in the church other than being servants of Christ. I am sure that this will be a time of great refinement for our family and for me and my wife personally. Our goal is to have a greater relationship with Jesus in the service of His kingdom. With humble and imperfect hearts, our desire is to have God shape and mold us into more loving and more disciplined children so that He is most glorified. So that He is given full credit for being the source of all things good.